I Not Enough

I'm the programmer here and I access the FTP server to upload files once in a while. There is a bit of connection problem today and I'm unable to connect to it. Since I'm unwilling to talk to the System Administrator, The Disgruntled One had to go over to inform him to upload a certain file.


"I think I not enough (rights)" - System Administrator


This is the first time we heard of a System Administrator having less rights to access the server than the programmers. And oh yes, we heard him cursing in hokkien it was something like "W..L..E.."

99.9%

We've uncovered some major mathematical problems in the system that we've been doing all these while.

"If our system cannot be 100% accurate, it is ok." - Big O
"..." - me just sitting around looking bored.
"But if our system can be 99.9% accurate, it is already very good and we're wasting our time." - Big O
"???" - me

The Japanese IQ Test

I'm back under a guise. For those who were familiar with my Japanese Stapler Test (see below) I bring to you the latest installment of my Japanese Test inspired by my Jappanese boss.

Today's is the Japanese IQ test.

About the test:

You will be presented with a total of 7 questions. The objective of these questions is to determine if you have what it takes to enter the exclusive MensO organization started by the Big O. You IQ is based on the number of correct answers. Correct answers are justified by accurate they are to what Big O's would answer.

In order to optimize the test experience you are required to write out all your answers on a piece of paper and check them against the correct answers below this page. No fancy dynamic forms were created for this because it confuses the boss.

Now for the questions:

Logic Test

1. You are presented with the following process flow that you suggested a few days ago, MAIN PAGE --> EMPLOYEE PAGE --> EMPLOYEE DETAILS EDIT --> STORE IN DATABASE.
   
   How do you feel about this process flow ?
   
   
   
   1. It's perfectly clear and understandable
   
   
   2. You're confused
   
   
   3. It makes sense
      
      
   
   
   
   


2. You are presented with the following image:
   
   
   
   Your immediate reactions is:
   
   
   
   1. You instantly know what you're supposed to do
   
   
   2. Your head hurts
   
   
   3. You pretend to know what it does an explains that your other staff might not know what to make of the form
   
   
   4. You slam the usage of the word Form and call it an input page
      
      
   
   
   
   


3. You ask your web programmer to create a module where your employee's can view their personal and work details. It is generally understood in your viewpoint that this is for:
   
   
   
   1. Employee's personal usage for their eyes to view
   
   
   2. For you to view
   
   
   
   

Language Test

1. What is the difference between these 3 words:
   
   EMPLOYEE
   
   STAFF
   
   PERSONNEL
   
   
   
   1. They all mean different things
   
   
   2. They all mean the same thing bascially
   
   
   3. They all mean different things but you don't know what
   
   
   4. You are confused
   
   
   5. You don't know
      
      
   
   
   
   


2. You are presented with the following option in an Internet webform:
   
   CLICK HERE TO GENERATE REPORT
   
   
   
   What does this imply to you?
   
   
   
   1. Generate is not a valid word in the creation of a report
   
   
   2. Generate is not an English word
   
   
   3. The word Generate confuses you
   
   
   4. You do not understand the word Generate so you demand it be replaced with the word Create instead
   
   
   5. You replace the whole sentence with the word PRINT and pat yourself on the back
      
      
   
   
   
   
   
3. If your employee scored a perfect A for his English O levels, and you do not understand the phrase RECURRING PAYMENT, you:
   
   
   
   1. Accept that he/she speaks and writes better English than your own
   
   
   2. Tell him/her that he/she has bad English
   
   
   
   

Mathematics Test

1. You want your employees to view their Medical Leave days information but want to avoid them abusing it. How should you present it?
   
   
   
   1. You show them the Number of Days Given, the Number of Days Taken, and the Number of Days Left
   
   
   2. You show them the Number of Days Given
   
   
   3. You show them the Number of Days Taken
   
   
   4. You show them the Number of Days Given, and the Number of Days Taken and then smugly smile to yourself because you are a total genius at hiding potential abuse prone information from your employees
      
   
   
   
   

The Answers

The Logic Test

1. (b) because eventhough the process was your idea, your own ideas tend to hurt your head and make you confused. Normally you need 1 hour to have your own ideas presented back to you.
   
   


2. (c) get you full points. You are a proud person but stupid person. So you use someone else as an example and pretend to know what's going on even though the whole world can see you are bullshitting.
   
   
   
   (d) gets you half points. The word FORM is obtuse in your head. FORMs should never be digital but something you can fill in with a little red pen.
   
   


3. (b) because your employees HAVE NO rights and you are god above them. This page is to give them a fake sense of worth but really is for you to view their personal information better.

Language Test

1. (c). Simply because you're an idiot.
   
   


2. (e) because the word Generate is too big and might confuse other users. Aside from that, you also don't understand what the word means so you decide to replace the entire sentence with a word entirely irrelevant to the process.
   
   


3. (b)

Mathemetics Test

1. (d). You believe that your employees, like yourself, are incapable of performing simple mathematics.

Eight Twenty

It's 8:20 a.m.

I've just arrived at the office.

Already odd things are happening.

My boss ask me to fix the photocopy machine which is working.

I'm a .NET programmer.

We Make Babies For Him

Yet another meeting this morning. This time, it has nothing to do with "them" but on a website for some guy from some M country. We were assessing the needs of the M-country-guy (who really has many requests but doesn't seemed to know exactly what he wants, much like some P named person I know of) to decide if we should take up the project.


"One of the main issues about this project is that M-country-guy does not seemed to know what he wants. Therefore it would be a good idea if he is able to think through his needs and perhaps also his schedule so that he is able to maintain what he requested." - Me
"Yes. M-country-guy asks for alot. Like the current site, has all the features there but he does not use regularly." - Big O sounding logical
this meeting is going on well.

Then he continues...
"We help him make baby but M-country-guy must be able to take care of it otherwise...blah blah blah" Big O in all smiles, demonstrating how M-country-guy should take care of the baby we help him make.

My heart stopped for a while. We help him make babies? How?
His last statement makes me wonder if I should consider suing him for sexual harassment.

A3 Size Harassment

Tuesday morning, I attended the usual departmental meeting after which Big O told me to stay behind. Below was our conversation.


"I only realized after you showed them the sitemap that you really shouldn't." - Big O
"huh?" - Me
for the record, he was the one who told me to show them the sitemap during the meeting.

"This is our project, our secret. We shouldn't let them know." - Big O
"Oh ok but I don't think they'll remember anything." - Me

"Them" in this case, refers to the system administrator (Mr Pink) and the programmer who I thought were a team and doing the project together with me? This day, he says not to let them into "our secret", other days he blames them for knowing enough? And what does he mean by "our secret"?? PUI! I don't want any secrets with him, I'm telling it.

"Can I have a copy of this?" - Big O referring to my piece of sitemap.
"You already have it." - Me
you have it ALL the time.

"No. I want this copy." - Big O insisted.
"ERM...Ok, I'll email you a copy." - Me
stupid fool, how many pieces of the same document do you need?

"No. I want a copy of this one, with your handwriting on it. I like this one." - Big O smiled, pointing to my sitemap.

My handwriting is horrible. The scribblings on the piece of A3 sized paper has nothing to do with the sitemap and our meeting. They were simply scribbles. Why do I suddenly feel harassed? EEEE..... *SHIVERS*

The Japanese Stapler Test

Picked this up from my colleagues. Apparently, they were all quized on the proper method of stapling pieces of landscape paper together. So without further delay, I bring to you the Japanese Stapler Test (for landscaped printed paper)!

Choose from the diagrams after diagram 1 as your answer on how a paper should be stapled when printed landscape.


Diagram 1: Unstapled sheets of paper



Diagram 2

Diagram 3

Diagram 4

Diagram 5

Diagram 6

Diagram 7

Which diagram did you pick as the correct method of stapling sheets of landscaped paper together? Was it diagram 1 or 3 or 5?

The correct answer is........ Diagram 3!

Reason being that whenever you punch holes in the paper and file it, you'll the stapler will be on the top left instead of bottom left which will make it easier to flip the filed pages.

If this sounds logical to you, I recommend you try it out for yourself.

[Note: Do not use ring binding files. Use the wire files.]

Betty' Boop

My boss is insane/obsessed/perverted/insanely pervertedly obsessed [strike where applicable].
Last week on Wednesday, he started me off on a new module. He told me to create a user management module where each user to our system can edit their own personal details.

While explaining how this module should work, he pulled out a diagram from his arse file. At the header of that diagram were the words "Betty Boop". He then went on to ask me to create this module for a fictional (so I assume) character called Betty Boop.

On Friday after work, he calls me up asking, "How's Betty Boop?"

Me, "She's okay thank you very much." Hangs up.

Today I finished some bits of that 'Betty' module. One of them is something like a Friendster page where there's a picture and the user's information. To stand in for a picture of Betty Boop which I refused to put, I put a smiley face picture.

Just a moment ago, this happened:

Big O: "Merv, how is the page?"
Me: "Okay. I'll send you the link?" [clicks on link to open user profile page with picture]
Big O: "Hey! That is not Betty Boop?" [points at smiley picture]
Me: "Yeah. Was too lazy to find a picture of Betty Boop [I have better things to do you pervert!]
Big O: "Please, do. I like her." [Exit O via stage right]

Sigh... Do I really have to?

Would any of you like looking at this everytime you enter a website?


Betty struts her stuff for old Japanese men to oogle at

I got this strange feeling that creating this module is going to be a lot harder than I imagined.